Sunday, 26 January 2014

Book 3 Too Intimate to Share

I am writing book three of the Game of 51 Series and some of the scenes are intimate between me and Marc. I feel very uncomfortable sharing them in the book because they are ours and I don't want to hurt him by making public these conversations. Yet, at the same time it is going against the goal I had when I started this project.

See, I never thought I'd really end up caring for him. I thought it would just be sex and that would be it. At the time I thought he'd deserve it for not caring about me as a person. I neglected to consider that I would care about him as a person. I can't just see him as a creep just wanting to have sex with me because that's not who he is.

When I started the project, I had all these assumptions about dominants and how they treated women. Most of society does. Assumptions about some of these type of men are valid, those who abuse or go to far, but some, like Marc, are different.  I have learned a lot about the dominant / submissive relationship dynamic over the course of a month and still have a lot to learn. Some dominant men I've talked to, do go to far, some that I've read about are abusers posing as dominants, but neither of these is Marc.

Marc asks questions, listens, teaches, gives me support and advice. He focuses on my needs and finds pleasure in my desire for him. I want to please him and am willing to do things I never thought I'd do for a minute, just to make him happy. I have a lot more to learn about this man.

The small parts of him that he has shown me I really like. I want to know more about him. I didn't think this, whatever it is, would go on this long. I didn't think I'd care about his feelings since he obviously doesn't care about mine. However, I do. I want to please him and protect him from my project. It's just who I am. I can't separate feelings from sex, even when that's all it is.

The series is based in reality and as a writer I am fictionalizing the scenes as much as possible to make it more interesting, flow better, and to protect the real people. I will continue to write the story and change it up to protect Marc's real identity and the real identity of every man I have talked to online. The whole point of this project is to understand how woman are sucked into scams, manipulated by abusers and to share the horrors of dating in the twenty first century.

Some people have shared their horror stories with me and I can't wait to add them into the series. To put myself into their shoes and try to understand how they ended up where they did.