My parents are in town, they came to help me out. What that means is my mom came to kick my ass and move me forward by talking to advisors, collecting information, and making a plan of action. For well over a year I've allowed my ex to control the divorce, dictate to me what's going to happen, and what my rights are. Guess who get's the short straw on that deal!
I've been meeting with free lawyers who help people like me navigate the court system through legal aid. I've also met with a Justice counsellor who helps families going through divorce by mediating and providing information on services etc. Everyone has told me to get a lawyer and mediation with someone like my ex is not an option for me. Why? Because I act and talk like an abused woman.
Advisors telling me I'm an abused woman in front of my mother is not something I ever thought would happen in my life. Now I'm looking at going and talking to a counsellor on a regular basis. I hate that idea. I don't want to sit and talk about my feelings and sounding like some weak, stupid, abused victim. My mother won't let me off the hook though. She is merciless. And yes, I've allowed her to control me for my whole life.... Although she has gotten a lot less controlling over the last few years.
I've now filed child support papers to take my ex to court to request he start paying me the money he owes. I'm not serving him quite yet, mainly because I still need him to be amicable and nice. I have a few things at the house still and he lives in my house.... His mom is renting from me and I need that $400.00 a month. This puts me in the middle of a rock and a hard spot....
Once he gets served with court documents, I'm expecting him to go ballistic because he told me not to talk to a lawyer and not to go after child support. Not only is he going to be yelling at me, telling the kids how wrong I am for doing it, he's going to stop paying me his mother's rent. In his mind he's doing me a favour by giving me the rent.
All the legal advisors I've talked to told me to get a lawyer and go to Supreme Court to request a court order to force the house. I've filed a lien and paperwork stating I have a spousal right to the property, but they are suggesting that won't be good enough because he could argue a number of different things in the future. I need to protect my asset, get it sold, and get hands on my money.... That way if his mom stops paying me rent, it won't matter.
Every time I've mentioned going to the food bank or the thrift store to help make ends meet, he gets mad. Really mad. He flips out because it's a dig at him for not supporting his kids. Ah. Well, how does he expect me to feed and clothed the kids when I don't have any extra cash? I barely paid for food, the kids, and what my bills were when I wasn't paying anything out of pocket for rent. Now half my income goes to rent.... so where does he think I'm going to get food or clothes for the kids?
In the end our son was using duct tape to keep his boots together because half of each boot was gone. He didn't have any clothes for PE and he has grown out of all his jeans and shirts, again.... When my parents came down to pick up the kids for spring break, he gave my mother $260.00 to take my son shopping for clothing. I guess that's better than nothing.
They went shopping and found some great deals, thankfully, so he was outfitted and my parents added to the amount of money in the form of a birthday gift. He is now outfitted but I haven't seen the clothing because I've barely seen him - that's for another post though....