Monday, 7 April 2014

When the Kids Are at their Dad's

It's hard not to feel abandoned, alone, and left on the outside when the kids go to their dad's place. My daughter's birthday just passed and she went to her dad's to celebrate and spent more time there then she has since I left the house a month ago. He kept buying time with her by making plans to do things with her.

I feel so alone. I know I have to find a life for myself, but it's not as easy at it sounds to do that. I went to a couple meetup meetings and it was alright. I have to force myself to leave my house and spend time in the world. Whether its sitting in Starbucks, which feels just as lonely considering I'm still alone, just in a crowd, or going to a church group.

I should start looking for a job outside the home, even if it's a part time job. It'll force me to leave the house and give me energy. Maybe I'll meet some interesting people to spend time with.

My ex invited me to come along with him and my daughter, but I refused. I know it was nice of him to offer to include me, but I need to establish boundaries or else he'll continue to try to control my life. He already came over once and tried to get me into bed... I turned him down. He's lonely too, but turning to me isn't a healthy way to move forward.... for either of us.

Thankfully, Marc emailed me the night my ex came over and spent hours with me helping me through the situation. He has impeccable timing, it's like he knows when I need him to show up. Although it would be nice if he'd show up when I want his attention.

Anyway, back to the kids.... I do want them to have a relationship with their dad. I do. My son though has not been to my house in almost a month and it's hurtful. I saw him yesterday because he needed a ride to church. We had a fight, of course, because he sounds like his dad.

My ex has been brainwashing my son. Telling him that if I ask for child support or force him to pay it through the courts I am in the wrong. I don't need the money, I'd only be doing it to stick it to him. That's just one example of what I heard come out his mouth.... I love my son and want to spend time with him, but not if all we do is fight.